I am not a homemaker…

I am not a homemaker. I have been fine with this, even joking about it, until recently. After reading other “stay-at-home mom” blogs in the past weeks I’ve begun to feel guilty and I’ve realized that I really could be doing more than I do. Before a couple weeks ago I rarely cleaned and I almost never cooked. One of my goals for 2009 that I shared with my mom’s group was to “cook once a week”. It’s not that we eat out all the time (though we probably do that more often than we should), it’s that I eat a tv dinner or something else easy to make or Sinisa cooks when he comes home from work. I really am going to try to make an effort to cook more this year. This is my next step in becoming more “domesticated” (is that even a word?)

Right now though, my focus is on keeping my house “company ready”. Before I could never just invite people over when I felt like it because I always had to “prepare” my home for visitors. For the first time this past weekend I was on the phone with someone and said “why don’t you come on over?”. Let me tell you how great it felt to be able to say that. Granted it was only family (my sister in law) but before I had never felt comfortable enough to say that and the thought of someone coming over unannounced gave me anxiety. Even though my house has stayed clean, I am not following my “daily” and “weekly” lists that I made for myself so that is one area I would like to improve on.

I’m off to get some things accomplished now. My to-do list for tonight includes:

-Putting laundry away that’s in the dryer

-Update “goals”

-Going through my email inbox and deleting some old emails (my inbox has over 3500 emails in it!) My goal is to delete 500 tonight…

-Write up a monthly budget (or at least start it)

-Post some pictures of Jacob on facebook

Of course I also am going to watch tv, including the Bachelor. Should be interesting tonight because it’s the “women tell all” episode…

August 12, 2008

I finally figured out what is going on with my whole job situation… I am now officially a stay at home mom! My maternity leave was set to end tomorrow but my new availability does not work for them so I had to quit. I am still unsure as to how I feel about this whole situation. I’ve wanted to be a SAHM for as long as I can remember. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I would occasionally say things like “a teacher” or “a writer” because you couldn’t study for a career as “a mom”. I never thought I would actually be able to be a stay at home mom and even throughout my pregnancy and since I had Jacob had assumed I would be returning to work. It will be hard to say goodbye to the wonderful people I’ve worked with and goodbye to the colorful conversations we had, but it is what I have to do.

Today I worked towards meeting my goal of becoming involved in “mom” groups. I went to a park play date with Jacob, Jennifer, and Camden. We got there early and nobody was there so we waited and waited and nobody showed up! I was disappointed because I did not get to meet anyone but proud of myself that I had made the effort to go. The old me would have stayed home. As for my other goals: today I finished a Nora Robert’s book and the crossword puzzle I had been working on. I started a sudoku book and tasted a snack item from another country that I had never had before. I also started working on cleaning/organizing my room. That is going to be a very long process. Tomorrow I’m looking forward to eating the papaya that S bought for me, spending a day at home with Jacob, reading the posts in my RSS feeder (481 and counting), and going through my books to see if there are any I’d like to donate.

Today’s Challenge: Make a list of your goals. It could be five or fifty or five hundred. What is it that you want to complete this month or this year or over the next 60 years? They can be little, they can be big. What would make you happy and fulfilled? Take as long as you need for this challenge. If you write down your goals there is a better chance that you will complete them. Please feel free to put a link to your post in the comment section. I’d love to read them :)

August 7, 2008

I’ve been trying to spend less time on the computer and more time with my family and working towards my goals. Up until now I have been thinking of maternity leave as a vacation, knowing I would have to return to work. Recently though, I realized that my maternity leave may become my life for the next few years. It’s looking more and more like I am going to be a stay at home mom because my part-time availability won’t work for my job. I will find out for sure tomorrow. It will be sad to leave all of the wonderful people that I work with but it will be wonderful to watch my son grow up. I decided that if I’m staying at home I need to come up with daily plans for myself so that I don’t just waste the days away. I want to find new ways to entertain Jacob and continue to learn more about childcare and best practices for things like learning two languages, potty training, and any other topics that may come up as he grows. I want to spend more time with my family than I have in the past. I hope to keep busy and enrich my personal life with mom’s groups, hobbies (writing, reading, scrapbooking), fall tv shows (so many I can’t even begin to list my faves), and achieving all of my goals. I think this will be a positive experience for me. Please understand if I don’t post everyday. I am still trying to figure out how this all will work but am excited about sharing my journey with everyone.

July 29, 2008

After my family birthday party yesterday my little sister stayed over night and then spent the day with me today and leaves tomorrow morning. I am so happy that I’m getting to spend time with her one on one because we don’t get a chance to do this often. I just wish that I could have taken her somewhere more exciting than the downtown of a suburb. It was fun. We walked around and ate at Coldstone Creamery (the apple pie ice cream is so good there). Having little money, a one and a half month old and a 12 year old really limited the choices of where we could go. Hopefully in the next couple of years my financial situation will improve and I will be able to find places to go and things to do that are a little more fun. That is if I go back to work. S doesn’t want me to return to work because he wants me to be a stay at home mom. As previously mentioned I had wanted to be a stay at home mom before so this isn’t just a man demonstrating a 1950’s mentality on a woman’s role. I can’t imagine getting out to do much of anything if I stay home. I kind of like the idea of staying home and taking care of my son and sitting online while he is sleeping but another part of me tells me I need adult interaction and places to go and these things will be harder to find if I don’t return to work. I have to decide soon because my maternity leave is almost over. I guess I have been putting it off because it is a hard decision to make. For now I will move away from this topic because it’s late and it puts too many thoughts in my head that I know I will think about when I’m trying to fall asleep.